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User talk:That One Gaming Author
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User:That One Gaming Author page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 11:58, April 3, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:22, July 8, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story The story was deleted after three minutes because of the abundance of wording, capitalization, punctuation, and story issues which rendered the story below that of our quality standards. Starting with the essentials, you need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never talking in the same paragraph. ""Hello there~" She grinned with a crazed and quiet tone. I shivered yet again,(should be a period) "W-what... Who are you?!" I backed up, coming back to my senses as the woman moved within each of my step. "You'll find out later, darling~"" This is done to prevent misattribution and to help with story flow. It's pretty common in almost any form of literature. Capitalization: ""Don't cry. It's making me mad." She (she) growled", ""Scream again and you'll be missing a jaw." She (she) mumbled", ""That's it." She (she) growled", ""That's better~" She (she) giggled yet again.", etc. Punctuation: Tildes cannot act as actual punctuation in dialogue. ""Hello there~", ""You'll find out later, darling~"", ""Any last words before you go speechless?~ Literally~"", etc. You also tend to improperly punctuate dialogue even when not using the tilde sign. ""Don't cry. It's making me mad.(,)" She growled", ""Scream again and you'll be missing a jaw.(,)" She mumbled", ""That's it.(,)" She growled", etc. Wording: "I was reading a book, emerged by the content of it." The word you're looking for is immersed, emerged doesn't make sense contextually. "Mostly I'm pretty early to go back home.", "She tried to pout, which made scarier.", etc. The dialogue needs a lot of work to make it feel more natural. "I'm pretty sure my mind can't make a twig snap! Show up!!", "Don't bother me, sick bastard!"", ""Don't leave yet~ At least leave your body to me!~"", etc. I really can't see lines like this coming up naturally. Story issues cont.: "A couple of milliseconds later, I stopped breathing and moving. That's when the cops finally showed up. Just seconds late." How exactly is he writing this story if he died. If you're telling a story where the protagonist dies, you should be telling it in present tense otherwise it doesn't make much sense. Story issues end: There are more issues here, but I'll address the most notable problem. This feels like a vehicle for introducing your character rather than an attempt at telling a creepy story. You spend a paragraph alone describing her attire as opposed to building up the protagonist's response to this or creating tension in the story. The plot feels really rushed and the numerous punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues really weaken the overall story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:08, July 8, 2016 (UTC) Oh, now I see the problem. Thank you for actually taking your time and pointing out the problems. Didn't really notice them myself. I'll try to not rush the whole story. And if I do mess up again, I'm not suited for creating stories. Thank you again,